A family laughing, a blushing bride preparing for her final walk as just a daughter, a beautiful baby sleeping peacefully, a budding flower in the first light of spring, a wide sweeping valley at sunset; all of these scenes are part of me as they became etched in my memories the day I snapped that shutter, on my Sony A7 DSLR camera.

I have always struggled to find a description for who I am as a person. Of course, in my search, I discovered I am many things: a daughter, grand daughter, sister, sister in law, auntie, a loyal friend and wife.

But all those things as important as they are, are who I am to others. The one to lean on, call if they were in trouble. I however wanted to find who I was to myself. How do I see myself?

Through my exploration and determination to reach my goals, I started to discover all the other things that make up this person I see in the mirror. And what the driving forces were that made me, me?

From the time I could understand what a camera or image it produced was, I was facinated with photography. It is a living history. Not just stories passed down but actual captured moments that won’t ever happen the exact way again. How exciting! I was hooked.

It was then that I realized I could save these moments, and keep them close to me, If I was missing someone or something. I could bring those memories back in an instant by simply pulling out the still I took, and it was there, that moment.

Life gets busy however, and with the light of each new day, new challenges arose. School and a not so simple home life distracted me from my dreams of spending my life capturing all the important moments happening in the world. And as a girl born over fifty years ago, being a photojournalist was not exactly encouraged.

I picked up a camera a few other times throughout my life but never really had the confidence to take the chance to make it my career. To show the world that I could be good, not just ok, but good enough to be published.

In my late 30’s however, life through me some curve balls! I had hit a wall in my career and was forced to make a change. I decided it was time. I thought to myself, is this who I am? Can I really be good enough to fulfill my childhood dream?

Each time I clicked my shutter and captured a memory or just a beautiful scene that I knew would never be captured the same way again, I felt more like a complete person. I did’t feel as though I needed to search for myself as hard anymore, I became more myself. I was calm, confident, secure in my skill.

There was never another time in life were this part of me felt more completely sure of who I was. That is until recently in my writing. When I convey my thoughts, feelings, memories or stories I find her again. The woman I searched for, the girl in the mirror.

Recently, I have been able to let go of the quest to find her because she has been found. I don’t just see the person I am to someone else or feel like at that moment I need to be her; for them.

Rather, I see the reflection in full context. The woman with her own views, dreams, aspirations, thoughts, feelings. The girl that captures moments in time through a lens, in the quick snap of the shutter.

The reflection that wants to save every animal, that loves long quiet walks, that loved running the beach and reading a book. Her words and memories resonate within my soul. The many photos she captured show all the beauty she describes in her words yet in vibrant light and color.

She is me, and I am her!